This morning, as I took Kieran to swim practice – the dreaded 6 a.m., still in the dark swim practice – I contemplated whether I could run or not.  My foot still hurt, and I really wasn’t feeling good at all.  I’ve been having a lupus flare for several days, and my rheumatologist is not all that excited about all of the running I’ve been doing anyway, so that’s not great.  But I was itching to get back on the pavement, and practice Saturdays are always motivating for me – if Kieran can do something she dreads, so can I.  (Not to mention, my next three weekends will be meet weekends, and it’s always iffy whether I’ll get to fit in a run or not).  So I parked the car near her practice and set out.  My first mile was all hill – ugh, what a way to start, but I could tell I was running it faster than I normally do.  And from there, I just kept going.  Yes, my foot hurt, but I just kept thinking that the aches and pains and fears were kind of like the whiny 4-year-old tugging at your shirt.  I just wanted it to hang on for a bit while I finished this task.  By the time I finished, five miles later, averaging 10:00 for every mile, I was really proud of myself.  Yeah, my foot is aching and my knees are burning, but I did it.  That was a good run.

I signed up for a mud run in April – 10 K.  I probably should have gone for the 5K, but I figured go big or go home.  Kieran will be running the one mile race, and I will be tackling some tough hills, I hear, so it’s definitely time to kick up that hill work and get some more strength training in there because I think I have to pull myself up a wall, and that should be interesting!  I need to get serious about my mileage because February is here, and I am approaching the 120 day mark, when I should be clocking some serious mileage in anticipation of that marathon.  That is seriously frightening.  Exhilarating.  Frightening.  Yes, both.

Playlist additions:
Ghosts N Stuff – Deadmau5
Everytime We Touch 2007 (Twister Hardclub Edit) – Magic Artists
Beware of the Boys (Twista Remix) – Panjabi MC
When I Grow Up (Dave Aude Club Mix) – Pussycat Dolls
Play The Guitar – B.o.B (feat. Andre 3000)
Wild Ones – Flo Rida (feat. Sia)
Hello (Pace Remix) – Martin Solveig

127 days…

I wanted to share two things I’ve recently seen on the web.  The first is just such a powerful statement, especially because I have had so many people ask me how I have done this, how have I lost the weight, and when I explain, they say they don’t have time.  But my regular run is usually 35 minutes long.  If I do it right, I’m done by 6:30 a.m., and the rest of the day is ahead of me.  On the days I go to the gym, yes, I am there for about 90 minutes because I do the elliptical for 50, and then I do strength training after that, and I go to the gym after I drop Kieran at school.  Once I get a job, the gym is going to be tricky – I’ll have to get up very early to do that one, but I am hoping to still commit myself to getting there at least once a week because I think the strength training is just as important as the cardio.  And, I think the number one most important message from this video is that you don’t have to run – 7 months ago, I was not a runner.  I don’t need to be a runner.  I run because I want to, but walking is just as beneficial.  I know it’s long, but it’s *so* worth the time to watch this.

The second thing I found this week was from Pinterest – I found a link to this site.  I haven’t even made it through all of her postings yet, but it is almost like everything she has written has been written directly for me.  She lost 135 pounds five years ago, and she has kept it off.  But even more importantly, she’s a foodie, and she loves to bake, and she’s just learned how to change her relationship with food, keep things in moderation, and keep living.  My issues with food were not emotional – I was not one to drown my sorrows in ice cream – for me, it was more about portion control and not finishing my plate out of habit.  Now I eat what I want, but I stop the second I feel full, whether I’ve eaten a 1/3 or a 1/2, whatever it is.

But when she wrote about her relationship to food, there was an aspect that resonated with me – she was writing about the great author, Geneen Roth, who has written about women and food in multiple books, and this way that many women use food to escape our emotions when life becomes difficult.  While I don’t use food that way, I tend to use other things, like Zuma Blitz on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, maybe even running too, just about anything that I can immerse myself in to forget how painful things really are right now.  December has been a difficult month for years – all of these expectations for happiness, family togetherness, daily traditions – those were all shattered when the girls went to residential, and being surrounded by joy and happy holiday music just makes the sadness even sharper by contrast.  It really made me realize just how often I spend my time actively avoiding how I feel, but I’m not sure I have any other option.  If I really stopped to feel it, I don’t know that I would even get out of bed, and I have to keep going.

I will temporarily feel better on Thursday, when my girlies will be home for a brief visit.  We’re making a big feast for Christmas Eve, and then we’ll be with extended family on Christmas Day, before the girls both fly back the next day.  It’s not much, but it’s something, right?  And I’ll keep running through it.  I’ll let you know if I see Santa out there on Christmas morning.

Playlist additions:
What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) Kelly Clarkson
The Island – Part 1 (Dawn) Pendulum
Cry Just a Little – Bingo Players
Take Over Control – Afrojack
Sweet Disposition (Alan Wilkis Remix) – The Temper Trap

167 days…

Friday, I didn’t run because I logged a different kind of mileage – taking Ailish to Texas and flying home that night.  I won’t cover that here – that’ll be on my other blog in a day or so.

This weekend, I went out both days.  Saturday morning, I really didn’t feel like running.  The trip to Texas had been emotionally brutal.  But I had to take Kieran to practice that morning, and she *really* didn’t want to go to practice.  But I coaxed her out of bed and got her there just in time.  So when I debated about running or not, I thought of her.  Once I got going, and I debated about running 3 or 5 miles, I thought of her.  So I did 5.  I was glad I did.  I did it for her, for me, and for the food trucks we had that afternoon!  The Knockout Taco Truck was at our local Street Fair, and they are incredible.  We ordered several to share – the pork belly and chicken teriyaki, which we’d had and loved before, then we got carne asada, pollo asada, and the bbq pork burnt ends.  What I love the most about food trucks is how they surprise me.  I am a pretty good cook, and I hate to pay for food that I can make myself at home.  So I love to go out and find something so surprising, flavors put together that I would never have dreamed to put together myself – the teriyaki chicken has a jalapeno at the bottom of it and marinated cucumbers on top.  The bbq pork burnt ends has baked beans and southern style slaw, but it’s in a taco.  In a taco.  And it’s incredible.  But the carne asada is exactly the ingredients you expect – no surprises, except for the fact it was the juiciest, most flavorful carne asada I’ve ever eaten.  Really, it’s like a little adventure for our mouths, and I’m so grateful when we get to have an experience like that.

On Sunday, I went out again – same route, the five mile one.  My hamstring was talking to me, but I knew that there would be more food trucks around that day, and I knew I was achingly close to a personal best in the amount of miles logged, so I stubbornly pushed on.  I was only a minute off my time from the day before, not bad.  And I was more than ready to greet a truck I had longed to visit for more than a year - Ludo Truck, one of the first trucks to start it all.  To call it a fried chicken truck is like saying Father’s Office is a hamburger joint.  I was really hoping that the hype was not just that, but I was not let down at all.  The chicken was succulent, the herbs were perfect, and the slaw was such an interesting mixture of flavors and textures.  The handmade sauces were all so good, we couldn’t pick a favorite.  It was great to have four of us there to sample all of the dishes.

This week has started out extra busy, with taking care of Brenna’s needs as well as getting Kieran to school.  I haven’t been able to get out for a run, but I’m okay with that – I’m going to try to make it out tomorrow for one last November run.

I heard a song this week that I love so much – it’s a new one by Gym Class Heroes, and the chorus is sung by the lead singer of One Republic.  It’s called The Fighter, and it speaks to me on every level.  It’s on my run playlist, Kieran’s meet playlist, and, well, my life playlist.

With that being said, new songs on the playlist:
The Fighter, Gym Class Heroes
Jello, Far East Movement
Drop It Low, Kat De Luna

187 days…

Today is the last day of our swim meet, and then I’ll have one day to wrap up the paperwork from the meet and also finish preparing for the arrival of the girls, who will both be flying in on Tuesday.  As long as my internal alarm clock is still set for 3-ish, I can’t imagine it will be difficult to maintain the running schedule, I’ll just be the one curled up on the couch early in the evening, because it’s hard to keep those hours!

Playlist additions – since I know I like to switch mine up now and then to keep me motivated, I thought I’d mention it when I make changes.  I found some of these through Women’s Fitness workout songs lists – others just on my perpetual search for remixes.

Misery (Cutmore Radio Edit) – Maroon 5
Shawty Get Loose – Chris Brown (but it’s Lil Mama)
I Don’t Care – Fall Out Boy
We Found Love (Cahill Edit) – Rihanna
S&M Remix – Rihanna
Damaged (Friscia & Lamboy Radio Edit) – Danity Kane
The Shock of the Light – Oasis
Dare (Junior Sanchez Remix) – Gorillaz
Something for the DJs – Pitbull

Even though it will most likely be quiet here in blogland this week, I’m pretty sure I’ll be keeping up the running schedule, even with the frenetic energy of the holidays.

Wishing everyone a peaceful Thanksgiving gathering, wherever you are.  If Thanksgiving was last month, or you don’t celebrate, have a great week, and hopefully I’ll see you back here next week!

196 days…

Between the shots and the intermittent rain we received on Friday and Saturday, there would be no running.  But this morning, I woke at 4:00, tried to talk myself back to sleep, gave up at 5:00, and finally started out on my run at 5:45.  I was still debating how long I would go – stretching my legs a bit, seeing how my knees were doing.  I hit the new asphalt, though, and that felt good.  The air was cool, the sky was beautiful as the sun began to rise, the pinks, purples and yellows beginning to brighten the day.  I turned left instead of right at the light.  I’d be good for at least 5, but we’d see what happened.  As I got past the college and started my uphill route, I knew this was the tiring part, but I was still feeling pretty good.  At the top of the hill, instead of going straight, I turned left, to add another 1.3.  We’d make it a 10K morning.  I hadn’t done that since August.  I knew it was probably pushing things to go this far, but I was feeling guilty about such an unproductive week.  By the end, I wasn’t that exhausted.  My pace matched exactly what I did the last time I ran a 10K – 1:16.  Maybe I should have gone a little faster, but given how little I’d run recently, and my knees, I think it was a good thing that I matched it.  Better than that was how I felt afterward. I wasn’t exhausted or in a lot of pain.  I still have a bit of steroid hangover, which I get when I take prednisone for my autoimmune stuff, and apparently the same thing happens with the cortisone shot, but I am nowhere near as wiped out in my muscles as I was the last time I did that.  That gives me a lot of hope.  We’ll just see how I feel tomorrow

I was thinking while I was running that there are definitely ways in which I’ve actually become a runner, and I can tell.  So here is my list of how I know I’ve become a runner:

1.  I’ve finally learned how to spit like a runner – that took me a lot to get over my own social code and, well, my ineptitude at spitting, and now I can deftly spit as I go – most of the time.

2. I analyze every new hit song first by its BPM, not by its lyrics or tune.  And I’m always on the lookout for remixes that speed it up.

3. When I see runners on days I don’t run, I sigh and whisper, “Jealous.”

4. I get more excited about new shoes than ever – but the only ones I care about are my Brooks Beast shoes, and believe me, they aren’t pretty, they’re just the perfect running shoes for me. And getting new ones means I’ve notched another 400 miles.

5. It may take me a bit to get going, but once I’m out the door, I love being out in the dark – love watching the sun come up, love being with the bunnies, the turtles, the frogs, and even the occasional coyote (but not the skunk I encountered one day – thankfully she didn’t spray me!) I love being out there, smelling the lavender, the rosemary, the grass, the trees.  I love that if I get out there that early, there are very few cars, so it’s really just my time.

So there it is – this probably won’t be a great week either, yet another reason why I did my 10K today, but I’m going to try to fit in what I can.

203 days to go…

Yesterday, Kieran’s school had a fun run, and parents were invited to participate, so Kieran asked me to come.  I was happy to do it.  I was the only parent who showed up, and I thought she would think it was awkward, but she was totally fine with it.  We went out on the fourth wave of kids, ran the mile, and we were the first girls of her wave to come in.  Not that we’re competitive or anything.  Nah.

This morning, it was so windy when I dropped Kieran off at school, and though I was in my running clothes, and I had my spankin’ new Brooks shoes on, I briefly considered scrapping the idea.  But my knees felt pretty good, I told myself I needed to get used to running in all kinds of conditions, and Frysmith food truck is in town today, so I was promising myself Rajas fries (just scroll down a bit – but the chili fries are bombdiggity too!) as a reward.  So I drove back to the pretty trail, cranked up the tunes and started out.  The headwinds were wicked, and pushed me back a few times, but I felt good.  I felt less tired than the last time I went out.  Even though my time was a minute longer than the last time I did that one, I felt like it was much more evenly paced, and given the winds, I was proud of myself that I wasn’t that far off my personal best.

I have to admit, this month is going to be a major challenge to stay on track.  I am working two meets, and one of them is mine, and that is going to take up a week or two.  Then we have Thanksgiving, and Brenna will be home for a week, and hopefully Ailish will be home for several days.  So yes, it’s going to be hectic, but I’m going to do my best to keep up with at least every other day, and I will welcome the darker mornings.  And I will definitely welcome the new asphalt, whenever they decide to grace us with that!

214 days

Friday p.m. – This weekend is a swim meet weekend, as will be next weekend and the weekend after that.  I love swim meets, so this is a very good thing for me, just I need to find a way to keep the mileage going.  Scouring the mall looking for pieces of Kieran’s Halloween costume rather unsuccessfully was exhausting, but not exactly the marathon training I was looking for.  226 days.

With the garage door closing behind me, I set out on my run.  I considered what path I would take.  I knew I wanted to run less than I did on Monday, because, according to the marathon plans I’ve found online, that is what I should do, so I was shooting for four miles.  My normal loop is 3.2, so I thought about adding just a small jaunt through one neighborhood to add up to four.  But then when I got to the light where I normally turn right, I turned left and decided to head for the college.  I knew it would be longer than four, not quite five, and the back half is a challenge because it’s hilly, but I liked that too, because it uses different muscles, and because I need to throw that into the training mix as well.  As I started down that road, I thought to myself yes, the darkness is so much better.  It was chilly, and I could see my breath puff out in front of me, but it felt good.  Remember this, I told myself.  Remember why you can’t turn over and go back to sleep.

One thing that did not feel so good was my foot.  I guess my foot was a little offended that I did not mention it in my initial post.  Maybe it feels left out, so it needs to make sure I remember it.  Of course I remember you, foot!  You actually are the entire reason why I started this whole thing!  Remember?  The physical therapy wasn’t working, so Andrea said hey, maybe that walk we’ve been talking about will help.  If I don’t mention you, it’s only because I want to believe in the best of you – that even with the bone that healed crookedly, even if you are imperfect, I know you are going to carry me through all of these miles, right?  So it’s okay foot, no need to throb like you did this morning.  I remember, I promise.

I wish I had a way to write down my thoughts while I run, because it seems like I have some really great ones, but so many of them and they all come flying at me – it’s hard to remember them all by the time I get home.  As I made my way through the college parking lot and started up the hill, a thought came to me about the book that I have been tossing around for a couple of years.  In its current state, it is rather dark, with not much hope, but with this twist, it could actually be inspirational, or at the very least, helpful.  I realized, even as I was running up that hill, that I had a big smile on my face, and for a brief second, I thought how silly I must have looked.  It’s all good – I’m quite adept at looking silly, and this was with good reason.

I reached home at the 4.7 mile mark – 54 minutes.  A little slower pace than Monday, but I had those two miles of hills, so they brought down my overall.  The other two miles were both ten minute ones, so I felt good.  I was sweaty, but not hot.  I still had the whole day ahead of me.  Kieran’s alarm was just going off as I climbed the stairs.  Don’t forget how good it feels to get that run in before the sun comes up, I told myself.  I won’t.  I promise.

228 days.

Once Kieran was dropped off at school, I drove to a nearby park with a trail that runs along our river channel.  There isn’t actually a river in it right now, but when the rains come, it fills up, and if the dam were to break, it would be the channel through which the waters would hopefully flow – that is the hope of the thousands of people who live there, I’m sure.  It is the prettiest run I know of around here – one day as I went through that area, I saw the tiniest frog hopping across the trail.  Other days, the fog banks across there and you feel as if you aren’t in suburbia, you’re actually in a nature preserve.  It  really is a great run.  So I did five miles, the longest land run I’ve done since I ran my own personal 10K in August.  I’ll admit, the last mile, I really had to inspire myself to keep going, but that was in large part due to the sun getting to me.  I just cranked LMFAO and Fort Minor and that really helped.

I was happy to see once I got back to the car that I had managed a 10 minute mile and two very low 11 minute miles.  The other two were high 11 and low 12 – I know I need to get better, but I’m feeling stronger, and I know the elliptical does help me get faster, managing my cardio output better.

There were some important reminders for myself, though:

1. When going on a trail run, if you refuse to buy a waist pack, you have to wear something with pockets.  Carrying your cell phone and Zune in your hands gets old.

2. Ditto carrying keys in your bra – that’s not fun after a few miles.

3. If you’re going to run in the sun, black may not be the best choice.  Yes, you look hot in it, but you also feel hot.

4.  Don’t wear your running shoes to the beach, even if you’re only there for an hour or two. That sand is impossible to get out, and it somehow makes its way into the space between foot and sock – not good.

5. You know how there is more sun after 7:00 a.m.?  There are also more bugs, and they like to fly into your mouth.  Seriously, you need to get out there before the sun comes up.

Going to ice my knees today and tomorrow and hope they aren’t protesting too much on Wednesday.  230 days to go.

After that, I hit the weight room and did some work on my arms, then did 100 crunches and two planks.  I always think of Kieran when I do this part – she’s not allowed to do weight work yet, but the rest of it, she’s totally unimpressed by what I do.  It’s not that she isn’t proud of me – she’s actually very proud of what I’ve done, and she pushes me all the time to do more, but she does so much more during her dry land workouts than I could handle right now.  She is one of the few kids in her P.E. class who was *so* excited to have the Fitness Challenge.  She embraces fitness, and I love that about her.  It’s so difficult for her right now to be on the sidelines during class because of her broken arm, but hopefully in just a couple of weeks, she’ll be back in the swing of things.

I was happy that I got a really good, challenging workout in today because I most likely will not get anything done this weekend.  We have a swim meet in Santa Barbara this weekend – I’ll be working, and she hasn’t yet decided if she’ll be swimming.  Knowing her, she will – this is, after all, the kid who swam through pneumonia, a concussion, and numerous sinus infections, so what’s a broken arm?  She was cleared by the doctor, so it really is up to her, I just don’t want her to overdo it.  She doesn’t really know that word, though – overdo?  Seems like she performs best when all odds are against her, so I’m just grateful I’ll be in the admin tent, otherwise occupied, with no time to worry about her.

Last for today, I’m going to share my run/workout playlist, because I know I’m always on the hunt for good, fast music.  I will warn you it is mostly explicit, but I tend towards hip hop and I am listening for the beat rather than the words, so just know that going in  That being said, here’s the list:

Get Low Merengue Mix – Lil Jon
Blah Blah Blah DJ Skeet Skeet Radio Remix – Ke$ha
Ain’t No Other Man Shape UK Radio Remix – Christina Aguilera
Gifted (Treasure Fingers Epicwave Remix featuring Kanye West) – N.A.S.A.
Sorry for Party Rocking – LMFAO
Technologic Radio Edit – Daft Punk
Where Do We Go – Pitbull
Walcott – Vampire Weekend
My Turn Stonebridge Radio Edit – Basement Jaxx
Come N Go – Pitbull
Rocket Scientist – Teddybears
Mr. Brightside Big Room Edit – Jealous Guys
Barbra Streisand – Duck Sauce
Down Bottom – Ruff Ryders
Canned Heat – Jamiroquai
Hit the Floor – Twista
Higher Ground – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Shake Senora – Pitbull
Crank That Travis Barker Remix – Soulja Boy Tellem
Take Me Back To Your House Balti Skool mix – Basement Jaxx
(Rock) Superstar – Cypress Hill
Hip Hop is Dead – Nas
Radar Bloodshy & Avant Remix – Britney Spears
Give Me Everything – Pitbull
Double Vision Wiz Khalifa Mix – 3OH!3
Hi Friend! – Deadmau5
Midnight Hour – Reflection Eternal
Super Bass – Nicki Minaj
Writer’s Block – Royce da 5’9″
Ode to the Bouncer – Studio Killers
Girls Girls $ – Theophilus London
Remember the Name – Fort Minor
I Go To Work – Kool Moe Dee
Take it to the Hole – LMFAO
Mr. Saxobeat – Alexandra Stan
Save the World – Swedish House Mafia
Ghost on the Dance Floor – blink-182
Devil’s Music – Teddybears

And pretty much the entirety of David Guetta’s new release (at least the singing portion) – I’m going to be adding several of those to my list.  There’s way more on there than I’ll hear in one day, but I have it on shuffle, and that guarantees I won’t get tired of a song for at least a few months.

Hoping that Monday I can get an actual run in – as long as the pool deck is kind to my knees, that is the plan!  232 days until Ojai 2 Coast. I’m going to make them count!